I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
