I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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