I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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