Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
