just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
