Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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