you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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