just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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