How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
