I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
