i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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