I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
