i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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