Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
