She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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