I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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