Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
