I cannot find my penis.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
