You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
