WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my being single is dangerous.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
