Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games