i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Those nachos came to me in a dream