Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(618): View more from Illinois

I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.

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(618): I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out. http://tfl.nu/syqz

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(609): View more from New Jersey

That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets

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(609): That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets http://tfl.nu/cuwg

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I told you not to have sex with her on my futon

(612): View more from Minnesota

I didnt dude, i swear!

(952): View more from Minnesota

either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon

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(952): I told you not to have sex with her on my futon (612): I didnt dude, i swear! (952): either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon http://tfl.nu/i90q

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...

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(414): a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99... http://tfl.nu/p4eu

Replies (32) Good night (1897) Bad night (7250)
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(914): View more from New York

does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?

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(914): does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up? http://tfl.nu/cmpo

Replies (30) Good night (3049) Bad night (3679)
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(480): View more from Arizona

It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.

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(480): It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car. http://tfl.nu/gkht

Replies (3) Good night (2281) Bad night (1019)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week

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(732): hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week http://tfl.nu/ig19

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(507): View more from Minnesota

The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml

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(507): The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it h http://tfl.nu/rzj1

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(541): View more from Oregon

And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.

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(541): And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background. http://tfl.nu/q3vc

Replies (6) Good night (1751) Bad night (833)
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(626): View more from California

Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.

(1-626): View more from California

This is why you don't have nice things.

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(626): Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread. (1-626): This is why you don't have nice things. http://tfl.nu/swqp

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning

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(484): He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning http://tfl.nu/2xih

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(212): View more from New York

We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?

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(212): We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay? http://tfl.nu/9bs2

Replies (2) Good night (962) Bad night (273)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night

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(651): So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night http://tfl.nu/mng4

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(208): View more from Idaho

You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.

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(208): You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes. http://tfl.nu/vghn

Replies (2) Good night (518) Bad night (205)
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(309): View more from Illinois

Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.

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(309): Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life. http://tfl.nu/8a2u

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