OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.