What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now