He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
