Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
