If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
