I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
