Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(313): View more from Michigan

remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.

Fav 3 1354 861
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.

Fav 51 9660 1032
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

Fav 51 15661 2837
share tweet
(815): View more from Illinois

New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.

Fav 13 6795 1253
share tweet
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Read it at the TFLN blog
(917): View more from New York City

I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.

Fav 9 4511 1394
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.

Fav 17 1262 3894
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.

Fav 6 2876 1290
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(520): View more from Arizona

Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.

Fav 4 730 502
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(916): View more from California

Were you citizens arresting people again last night?

Fav 0 259 164
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT