Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"