it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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