Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.