I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What's dad's email?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds