your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker