remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?