Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth

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  (858): i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth http://tfl.nu/1tze
  Replies (11) Good night (1049) Bad night (2767)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line

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  (519): who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line http://tfl.nu/dt51
  Replies (19) Good night (4228) Bad night (683)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.

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  (512): I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me. http://tfl.nu/h7ic
  Replies (22) Good night (4145) Bad night (1243)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.

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  (304): There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year. http://tfl.nu/n54w
  Replies (23) Good night (4739) Bad night (866)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.

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  (724): i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud. http://tfl.nu/ruob
  Replies (32) Good night (7165) Bad night (1033)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?

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  (704): Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls? http://tfl.nu/h3go
  Replies (11) Good night (4180) Bad night (1164)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.

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  (330): I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter. http://tfl.nu/h1kf
  Replies (6) Good night (976) Bad night (2485)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.

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  (302): I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays. http://tfl.nu/ol44
  Replies (7) Good night (2988) Bad night (1320)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face

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  (203): I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face http://tfl.nu/kk03
  Replies (27) Good night (4247) Bad night (1562)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.

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  (780): Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT. http://tfl.nu/4w87
  Replies (13) Good night (2017) Bad night (1160)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?

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  (914): He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit? http://tfl.nu/zvq6
  Replies (9) Good night (2706) Bad night (685)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..

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  (503): He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long.. http://tfl.nu/2c8x
  Replies (4) Good night (1333) Bad night (491)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.

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  (251): Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night. http://tfl.nu/kxkv
  Replies (5) Good night (562) Bad night (1398)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.

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  (720): I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys. http://tfl.nu/mqj0
  Replies (0) Good night (271) Bad night (318)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.

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  (516): Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi. http://tfl.nu/3etm
  Replies (1) Good night (796) Bad night (311)

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