she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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