here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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