I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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