I just saw a hot homeless man
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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