FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
