the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
