yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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