She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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