If that was your dad, he is hot
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
