TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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