I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
