I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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