she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
