I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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