Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
