I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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