dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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