I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
