I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
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