My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset