I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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