i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"