hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."