The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder