Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you

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(267): census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you http://tfl.nu/5ryg

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin

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(262): Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin http://tfl.nu/0pd1

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(240): View more from Maryland

so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend

(301): View more from Maryland

1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps

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(240): so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend (301): 1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps http://tfl.nu/019j

Replies (29) Good night (3929) Bad night (918)
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(407): View more from Florida

Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.

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(407): Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child. http://tfl.nu/79c5

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(415): View more from California

Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.

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(415): Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on. http://tfl.nu/yhjx

Replies (5) Good night (636) Bad night (3878)
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(239): View more from Florida

they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application

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(239): they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application http://tfl.nu/aq16

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(949): View more from California

I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.

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(949): I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/uflu

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(503): View more from Oregon

I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.

(1-503): View more from Oregon

My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.

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(503): I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop. (1-503): My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins. http://tfl.nu/dck1

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(970): View more from Colorado

I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big

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(970): I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big http://tfl.nu/le84

Replies (12) Good night (2049) Bad night (2962)
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(310): View more from California

first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking

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(310): first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking http://tfl.nu/y6y1

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(619): View more from California

After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.

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(619): After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation. http://tfl.nu/dnza

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.

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(608): He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does. http://tfl.nu/dgwh

Replies (6) Good night (2003) Bad night (541)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.

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(215): spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover. http://tfl.nu/j4hn

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(850): View more from Florida

You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem

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(850): You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem http://tfl.nu/nosq

Replies (1) Good night (389) Bad night (148)
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(613): View more from Ontario

do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?

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(613): do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills? http://tfl.nu/zrgo

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