It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.