do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
