She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!