12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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