I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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