i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
