So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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