Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
