My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
