I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
