note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
