I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
