Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
