the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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