Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
