I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
