youre lurking in front of me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
