I wish my penis had an off switch
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The power of my boobs compel you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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