my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
