These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
