I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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