Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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